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They'll Never
Right Thinking
One Liners
No Bonus
Fear Of Speed

Answer Machine
Only in America
Get Me Another Doctor
Never Got Caught
A Terrible Headache

A Pesky Customer
The Real Me
My Ancestry
Happy Christians
For The Funeral

Not Batted Yet
The Tater Family
Can't Swim, Can He?
As Good As Your Dog
He Did It On Purpose
Capital Punishment

Attitudes 2
Want Credit
Her First Jump
Feel Inadequate
Alarm Clock
Having A Baby

Why Worry?
You Did Well
Will Power
One Liners
Best Compliment

It Isn't Opportunity
Makes A Difference
Late And Law Breakers
No Special Privileges
So, Who's Crazy

Power In Numbers
Optimism Or Stupidity
Didn't Recognize You
Parachute Paradigm

Attitudes 3
Word Rules
Dance Also
Ring The Bell
Repeat That
Get With It

Too Polite
Real Self-control
Miss You
Getting Kicked
Not Hollering

Never Been Wrong
No Driver's License
Without His Wallet
Prefer Darkness
Only When It Breaks

Dangerous Assumption
Only If Kindness Fails
Didn't Know Her That Well

Only One Buying
Just Like You
Business Signs
Good And Bad
Not A Quitter

Need Imagination
Asleep On The Job
Smart Business
Management Styles
Never Give Me Work

Performance Reviews
Business Is Business
It's In The Translation
Using Copy Machine
Employment Recommendations

When Can You Start

Business 2
Wrong Location
Not A Madhouse
Ad Got Results
Fitness Program
Too Polite

Letters to Landlords
More Than Mother
He's My Friend
How To Succeed
Is It Necessary?

I'll Not Open The Store
Yes -- No -- Yes -- No
Knew What To Say
Worth Ten Dollars
Your First Worry

Management Translated
Successful Job Placement

Wife Will Want To
Minutes To Kill
What's a Lie?
Hanging Pastors
First Fight

Pastor Sick
Deacon's Call
Mother's Prayer
Missing Something
Get Rid Of Pastor

It's In Your Pockets
Narrow Baptists
No Excuse Sunday
God, If You're In There
Haven't Missed Too Much

Knew He Was Coming
Ten Little Christians
Prayer of Black Preacher
Professor Has No Brain
Three Churches In Revival
They Will Come And Get It

Religious 2
Pastoral Candidates
Bible And TV Guide
Baptize Everybody
We Need Light
Jesus Said What

Burning Bush
Attend Church
Baptized Bats
Deep And Wide
Atheist Complaint

Brother's Funeral
Church Didn't Help
What The Bible Means
Signs You Don't Know The Bible

Bible Stories Told By Children

Religious 3
Church Signs
Praise Music
Too Busy
For The Sick
Meeting Of Board

Wanted In A Pastor
Prayer of Bud Robinson
Church Members Are Like
Sunday To Be Absent
Never Heard In Church

Religious 4
God Can
Heat Is Awful
Restart Sermon

His Crowd
10 Inches Deep
Minister Forgot
Found No God
Hurt The Church

Finished Sermon
Looking For Trouble
Ecumenical Meeting
Learn From A Nut
Indian Unimpressed

Notify The Buzzards
Sermon Like Peace ...
Really Long Sermon
Jack, It’s God!
Really Knows The Bible

Just Funny
Lady Said Pew
Pilot To Tower
Can't At Night
Shoot Them
Duck, Turkey

Run Fast
Crazy English
Funny Lines
No Way

Keep Quiet
Kiss A Mule
Loan That Mule
Praise The Lord

Just Funny 2
Slip Of The Tongue
Great To Be A Dog
You're Pitching
Cross That One
Don't ask Her

Why Is It?
Doctor Said
Cat Scan

I'm Married
Tough Teacher
Lucky Guess
Looking Good
Chewing Gum
Methuselah's Diet
Can't Fool With Me

Just Funny 3
Psychiatric Hotline
Blonde On Other Side
Wait For Police
Sic Him Jesus
Free Tickets

Cured Her Hiccups
Greatest Lies
Bumper Stickers
Moses And George W. Bush
Football's Contribution
You Know It's Bad

Just Funny 4
Parrot Tells All
Move the Cow
Check Bounced
Corn Bread
Next Door

Girl Kittens
Mother Knows
Dog Training
Dog Can't Read
Didn't Want Ball

Now You Tell Me
Robber And Ranger
Red-faced Mother
Same Old Story

The Destructions
Mouse Sounds
Bad Language
Why Did Chicken Cross Road

Just Funny 5
Spy Game
New Diet
Quick Thinking
Dieter's Prayer

Cure For It
Martin Luther
Not In The Tree
Write That Down
Some Never Learn
Pretty Concrete

Gifts For Mother
That's Why
It's Chicken
Big Sissy
Ring Bear

Day Off
Job At 7-Up
Just Married
It's Your Deer
Third Husband

A Speaking Part
Marriage Discovery
Changed My Mind

Age Jokes
How Soon
His Turn
Seven Ages
Not My Problem

Golden Old Age
Life Of Party
Can Still Drive
Just Too Tired
Tired Of You

Poem Of Elderly

Age Jokes 2
A Surprise
Her Zip
All Widows
Young Bride
Over The Hill

Smart Parents
Who's Driving
Not On The Ark
What's Her Name?
More Getting Old

Perfect Attendance
No Peer Pressure
Couldn't Remember

Funny Bits
Guard Fired
Talk About You
So Far, So Good
Should Know
Difficult English

Gifts You Don't Like
When Speeding
Stop Or Slow Down
Murphy's Law
More Murphy's Law

Monster In The Garage
Unsuccessful Inventions
Geological Questions

Funny Bits 2
Where Are The Stones?
Blonde: Yes No Yes No
Who's Dumb
Eating Peanuts
Blonde And Patrolman


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Page 1


Where Are The Stones

Blonde: Yes No Yes No

Who’s Dumb

Eating Peanuts

Blonde And Patrolman

Where Are The Stones:
There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi.

They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom.
So he gets up and walks across the water and comes back the same way.

Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go so he gets up and walks across the water
does his business and comes back.

Then the Catholic has to go but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back,
gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, "God, let me walk across the water."

Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.

The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says,
"Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?"

Who’s Dumb:
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.
He is in a cabin which also has another person, someone who seemed stupid.
To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.

So he says “I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me 1 dollar,
and then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, since you're so stupid, I'll pay you 0 dollars

The guy agrees and so they keep asking questions, and of course, the scientist always gets t
he question right, and the peasant gets it wrong, they play for 3 rounds,
and then its the stupid persons turn.

He asks, “What has three legs, takes 10 hours to climb up a palm tree, and 10 seconds to get down?

The scientist is confused and spends 3 days contemplating on the question.

Finally, the train ride is coming to the end of the trip.
The scientist takes out 10 dollars and gives it to the guy.

He says “ I don't know, what has 3 legs, takes 10 hours to get up a palm tree
and 10 seconds to get down

The peasant takes the 10 dollars and puts it into his pocket.
He then takes out 1 dollar and hands it to the scientist.
He shrugs, 'I don't know,either!'

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Eating Peanuts:
A preacher visits an elderly woman of his congregation.
As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.

"Mind if I have a few" he asks.

"Not at all," the woman replied.

They chat for an hour and as the preacher starts to leave, he realizes that instead of eating
just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.

"I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really meant to eat a few.
Please let me purchase you some more."

"Oh that's all right" the woman says.
"Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."

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Blonde And Patrolman:
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

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Blonde: Yes! No!:
There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette asks the blonde,
"Go check my blinker!"

"Does it work?"

Blonde: "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" “Yes!” “No!” “Yes!”

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