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You Know You’re Getting Old
You
get up to change the TV channel and decide as long as you're up, you might as well go to bed.
Your ears perk up when a laxative commercial comes on TV.
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Born Before 1945
We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots,
frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the PILL.
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Not My Problem
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.
One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise
in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember
whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
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Memories
One Sunday morning, the minister told the congregation
that he was going to say a series of words,
and he wanted them to sing the song that came to mind,
when he said each word.
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“How Soon Do You...?”
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine
on a park bench in Miami.
They had been meeting in that park every sunny day,
for over 12 years. . .chatting, and
enjoying each others' friendship.
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His Turn!
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down
to lunch at McDonald's.
He noticed that they had ordered one meal,
and an extra drink cup.
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Golden Old Age
"How do I know that my youth's all spent?
Well, my get up and go has got up and went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin
When I recall where my get up has been.
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Tired Of You!
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A golden anniversary party was thrown
for an elderly couple...
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All Systems Go!
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6 weeks--all systems go...
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“What Was That Name?”
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation
when one of the men asked the other,
"Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied.
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Old Age Is...
Old age is when a person notices that his shoelace is untied
and asks himself:
"Is there anything else I can do down there
when I lean over to tie by shoelace?"
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“Knew You Couldn’t Remember!”
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning
to forget many little things around the house.
They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them
may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire.
So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help.
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Age Problems
They're having an age problem.
He won't act his, and she won't tell hers.
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Who’s Driving?
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car
--both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
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New Lease
Carlton: "I just got a new lease on life."
Bernard: "How's that?"
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Smart Parents
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A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York...
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Get My Hat
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While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped...
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Name Of Clinic
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Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation...
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The seven ages of man:
spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills, wills.
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